There is a psychological function in all human beings whose primary function is to hide anything that is considered "bad" and instead present what is "good". We call this psychological process or phenomenon the Mask.
The Mask is anything that we consciously or unconsciously use to cover over what we believe is not worthy or welcome for display. It is a precise and strategic presentation of an idealized sense of self. It's what we think the world wants from us and what we need to present to the world in order to acquire love, approval, or appreciation. The Mask covers what we deeply fear and subsequently repress.
For example, if I grew up in a family where sadness was not ok, I might develop a fake smile which tries to cover sadness anytime it's experienced. Then, in my adult life, I will tend to default to my smiling everything-is-ok Mask whenever I encounter sadness in myself or others. In this case, smiling is the Mask and sadness is what it's attempting to cover (hide, deny, obscure, etc).
The important thing to understand is that it's not the specific thought, feeling, emotion, or behavior that makes it a Mask. An experience is only a Mask if it's being used to cover over some other experience that is feared and being negatively judged. In the previous example, sadness is considered bad, and so it gets masked with smiling because that's what the person believes the world wants to see instead.
In this way, anything can be a Mask. The only true indicator that it is a Mask is a nagging sense of inauthenticity in our hearts. The Mask is fake, false, "full of shit". It is a saccharine disguise whose effort creates a reciprocal suffering deep within our sense of self. Every ounce of effort put forth by the Mask eventually translates into tension and stress in the heart, mind, and body. It takes a tremendous amount of life-force energy to uphold a Mask, and this sustained, inauthentic efforting is experienced as suffering.
The Mask is a psychological defense system designed to present an "appropriate" self to ourselves and the world. If vulnerability was prohibited in my early childhood environment, then I may develop a mask of power and/or competence to prove to those around me that I am not vulnerable. In my adult life I will deny and suppress vulnerability in myself in order to win the love and approval of my primary care givers (usually my parents) and I will make every effort to appear powerful.
Similarly, in an attempt to rid myself of all vulnerability I might also avoid and condemn anyone else who exhibits or appears vulnerable. I might see someone who is expressing vulnerable feelings and automatically recoil from them in disgust. Or I may try to get them to be more powerful so that I don't have to feel the discomfort of experiencing their vulnerability. In other words, I might try to get them to mask their vulnerability with power so they fit into my world view and my personal identity isn't disturbed.
The Mask is a false self, an attempt to cover over and/or deny anything that the self deems is bad (forbidden unworthy, evil, taboo, wrong, etc)
Part 2: What is Spiritual Bypassing?
Now that we've defined the Mask, let's talk about this catchy new-age phrase called "Spiritual Bypassing". What does it actually mean?
Spiritual bypassing is the phenomenon whereby a person attempts to cover the forbidden aspects of self with a "spiritual" sense of self. Again, the idea is that somehow being "spiritual" is better than being whatever the person considers to be not spiritual.
"Spiritual Bypassing" is just a particular kind of Mask and how that Mask functions. The "spiritual" part refers to a particular belief system that is being exalted; the belief that there are certain feelings, ideas, behaviors that express spiritual attainment or accomplishment. These feelings tend to be exclusively positive, often leaning heavily toward bliss, joy, and a very nauseating version of non-reactivity (repression of negativity). The spiritual Mask tends to assert that "It's all love, man", which, when observed, instantly reveals it's condemnation toward anything that's not love (grief, anger, sadness, evil, envy, hatred).
Basically, the orientation toward being spiritual bypasses and denies all the yucky "unspiritual" stuff by trying to rise above it. It masks and exiles anything that doesn't fit into an exclusively positive world view. Any mask can be frustrating to experience because it's foundation is inauthenticity, and our inherent longing as humans is to experience wholeness and connection. For me, spiritual bypassing is particularly distasteful because it's often shrouded in superiority. Not only am I spiritual and denying all my own negativity, but I also believe that I am better than you because of it!
To identify what Masks might be operating within you, observe when you have a negative judgment about someone else. What is rejected in the self will always be equally rejected in others. If you notice that there is something annoying and/or repulsive about someone else try to determine specifically what it is about them that is intolerable. Once you've identified that, see if there's a way in which you condemn that same experience in yourself. Then try to identify the thought, feeling, emotion or behavior which expresses itself to mask the forbidden experience. This is one way to identify your Mask, and subsequently a very powerful way to move into deeper authenticity in your life.
Here is a small list of possible feelings/behaviors/orientations and what they may be masking:
Anger masks sadness
Arrogance masks inferiority
Beauty masks fear that I won't be accepted for who I am
Excessive do-gooding masks fear of being bad
Excessive work/busyness masks fear of intimacy/feeling
Excessive work/busyness masks fear of intimacy/feeling
Happiness masks grief/depression
Intelligence masks ignorance
Laughter masks anxiety/discomfort/pain
Non-reactivity masks rage
Non-reactivity masks rage
Overtalking masks fear of receiving or being seen
Openness masks fear of rejection
Perfection masks fear of failure
Power masks vulnerabilityPoliteness masks impulsiveness
Seduction/flirtation masks vulnerability
Submissiveness masks fear of conflict
Superiority masks inferiority
Tension masks sensation
Quiet masks anxiety/power
Leave a comment and tell me about your mask!
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