I bless you...
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For many years I have engaged in a relentless pursuit of happiness through the hope of being a Somebody. What is a Somebody? A Somebody is the person who I think I am. My identity.
Being a Somebody means I know who I am, what I stand for, my values, opinions, and beliefs. It means that when other people refer to me they say things like, "Oh, yes, Sarkis, he's a therapist", or, "I know Sarkis, he's a dancer." "Sarkis, hmm, is he that bearded guy that wears pink pants and is never wearing a shirt...?"
Being a Somebody means that who I am is defined by some aspect of what I do or what I have done in the past. If I am a lawyer, then that is true because I study or practice law. If I am a soccer player, that is dependent on the fact that I play soccer.
But is this really who I am? Is who I am defined by what I do?
No!
Actually, being a Somebody has nothing at all to do with what I do. Who I think I am, the Somebody that I believe myself to be, is entirely dependent on one thing alone: Belief!
If I believe that I am a soccer player and other people believe that I am a soccer player then that is the Somebody that the world identifies me as.
This pursuit of being a Somebody at first seems innocent, but the second I embark on being a Somebody then it immediately follows that I have to be a better Somebody, an important Somebody, a successful Somebody, and so on. Once I engage in trying to be a Somebody then that identity becomes heavily burdened by the need to live up to the image of my ideal Somebody. Trying to live up to my idealized self-image creates an internal struggle because it's impossible to actually live up to that ideal.
Trying to live up to my idealized self-image creates a deep shadow of unworthiness. With any exertion I make toward an idealized self I will at some point experience the deficient opposite of that identity. If I'm pushing in my life to be a successful writer then it automatically follows that I will fear the deficient identity; being a failed writer, an unknown writer, a boring writer...
The crazy thing is, this idealized self is totally made up! This Somebody is a complete fabrication that is just a collection of recycled thoughts. There is no identity, really. Just a thought that "I am a writer" repeating endlesly in my mind.
There's nothing wrong with thinking I'm a Somebody, as long as I don't attach to that thought. If I attach to that thought I may experience any number of highs and lows in my emotional life, but the end result will very often be the same: I will suffer.
There's no way around this. All suffering comes from believing thoughts that aren't true. If I believe I am a peaceful man then whenever I feel anger I'll have to suffer the loss of my identity. If I believe I am powerful because I have lots of money, then I have to suffer tremendously when I lose all my money in the stock market crash. If I believe that who I am is being a mother, then my peace is dependent on the life of my children. This dependency on identity is the root of suffering...
Spoiler Alert!: If you examine all the deepest and most painful experiences you've ever had in your entire life, there will be one thing common to all of them; ...YOU! You are at the center of all your problems. Take away the identity, the "me", and there is no problem. I don't mean to say that you are causing your problems or that you are a victim of your problems. I mean that attaching in any way to an identity (which are just thoughts) is what creates the sense of suffering. No you, no suffering.
There is power in being a Nobody because then there is nothing to lose. I can still play soccer, practice law, and drink my green tea latte every day and enjoy every ecstatic moment of it. But once I attach to the belief that I am a soccer player, I am a lawyer, I am that guy who drinks green tea latte's every day, then I set myself up for a big fall. The more entrenched I am in my attachment the deeper the suffering I will experience. The less attached I am to being a Somebody the more freedom I will experience.
How do I avoid the suffering of being a Somebody? Well, first, see what it's like to be a Nobody for a day. See what it's like to suspend the impulse to take ownership of your thoughts and feelings and instead be present to what experiences are arising in you now, without attaching to them.
Instead of saying, "I am sad" (which is a statement that turns the feeling of sadness into an identity of sadness), try saying to yourself, "I notice sadness arising...". The first way turns sadness into a heavy entity which then has to be in opposition to whatever else wants to arise in awareness in that moment. It's like tying the boat of attention to a dock of sadness and staying fixated there. Can you feel how limiting that is, and how that limitation immediately brings with it a sense of suffering?
The second way puts the focus of attention on the one who is observing sadness as an experience that is temporarily arising in consciousness. It's like sitting by a river, profoundly awake to every moment, and noticing sadness as it gently (or sometimes very roughly) passes by. Can you feel that when I identify with the Observing aspect of consciousness there comes with that an inherent sense of freedom and peace?
Sense it now... Pause and sense how when experiences are allowed to come and go, without identifying with them, there is a profound spaciousness that has built into it satisfaction and peace.
This is the power of being a Nobody. Being a Nobody means that I do not attach to any of my thoughts, feelings, sensations, impulses, ideas, theories, concepts, attitudes, or beliefs... I take no position and am therefore never in opposition... Therein lies the freedom and peace I've been searching for my entire life.
Once life shifts away from the confinement of being a specific Somebody, then I am absolutely free to be anybody! I am free to experience anything at any time. I allow anything and everything to arise within me. And, what is the catchy word that people use to describe the anything and everything of life? .................. God.
Oops.
Wait, did he just say that the power of being a Nobody means that I am God?
Yup.
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BRAVO!
ReplyDeleteLove this. Love you.
ReplyDeleteAMEN!
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