The Best I Can Do Is Bow

I was recently speaking with some dear friends about Gods and Gurus. One of my friends made a declaration that created a huge response inside me. He said that he would, "...never again bow at someone else's feet..."

There was honor and a deep sacrement of self-empowerment in his statement.  A proclamation of freedom and sovereignty that highlighted his liberation as a man from any form of victimhood.  In essence he was saying that he no longer needed to bow at the feet of anyone else because he was so deeply established in his own autonomy.

Self-knowledge, self-responsibility, self-reliance; these seem to be high attainments in our culture.  If a man or woman walks into a room and everyone can sense that s/he can take care of themselves and is basically at ease in themselves, this is considered a tremendous accomplishment.

Even though I myself acknowledge and respect a completely self-sufficient individual, and even though I respect the autonomy that comes with not needing to bow at the feet of anyone else, it is not respect or admiration that woke up in me when my friend spoke those words.

When he spoke something happened in me which almost brought me to tears right on the spot.  I almost fell to my knees upon hearing my heart's wisdom exploding in my own mind, "I would bow at the feet of ANYONE...!"

While skillfully choking back my tears I realized in an instant that there was no one, no thing that I would not bow before, that I would not lower my head and heart to pay my respect to.  Men, women, murderers, kings, infants, cripples, beggars, sages, insects, elements, deities, thieves, animals, galaxies, etc... All things manifest and unmanifest came into the center of my heart, and I knew directly without thought or reason that there is no person or thing that is not absolutely sacred.

I don't know how I knew this, and I don't know why it would be important to bow before any and all manifestations, but the simple fact is there will never be a way for me to repay the generosity of this life that I've been given... And so, in gratitude, the best I can do... is bow...

Every day, I bow...  I bow in gratitude to all that I am and all that I've been given.

I don't think I will ever understand the sacredness in all things and my impulse to bow to that sacredness (in all its forms).  I just know that it's the most important thing I can do, the most important part of my day, the most important gesture I can offer back.

To me, that sacredness is the Source from which all creations emerge.  That Source is the engine behind all hearts beating, the silence between all sounds heard, the energy that animates all of our thoughts... It was Source that awakened in me when my friend was speaking and did that anyoying little tap on my proverbial shoulder, "Psst, hey, by the way, every being in existence came from Me (Source)...; take a knee, bro..."

I bow to you because you came from Source, and I bow to you as that Source.  You are not beneath me or above me.  We came from Source and everything returns to that Source.  No, we are not the same in our form, but we are the same in our source. No, we don't have to practice the same religion or agree on what political party to support, but we can agree on our source.  Oh, you like strawberry?  Rad, I dig mint chocolate cookie.  Let's agree that all flavors of ice-cream come from the same source!

You don't have to bow to anyone else.  That is my own way of paying respect to all of Life...  But I do urge you to consider this:  If there is something in this life that you feel does not deserve your respect, something that you willingly, automatically, or unconsciously withhold your love from, find out what needs to move in you to allow that love and respect to flow again... Commit everything to that...

Until there is nothing left in this world that I would not give my love to, that I would not bow to, I am not free.  Giving my love freely does not mean that I condone, agree with, or support it, it means that I love it without conditions.

Love without conditions is experienced as freedom...

I want to be free.  I want you to be free.

I bow to you.

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Speaking In The Present

I was speaking with a friend recently about her life and she was telling me about all the things that have transpired in the last week.  She seemed sad and generally dissatisfied with her life.  At one point she got excited and started talking about a new relationship that was possibly forming.  She got about 2 sentences in to the description when again her energy started to plummet back into despair.

It was at that point that I noticed a pattern in her way of speaking that seemed to be contributing to her sense of discontent. I noticed that every time she spoke she was talking in the past tense.  This made sense for certain parts of her story to be recounted to me, but it was also systemically problematic because there was never a time in her sharing when her mind could rest in this moment.

What is so important about this present moment in relation to our daily satisfaction?  

Simply put, the present moment is the only moment in which anything ever takes place, and therefore the only moment in which satisfaction can be experienced.  

If I'm talking about a painful experience then the habit of speaking in the past tense holds some benefit to me since I will effectively avoid feeling the pain of that experience now.  Similarly, if I want to refer to a pleasurable or beautiful experience and I am speaking about it in the past tense then I will also be exempt from experiencing that pleasure and beauty as I'm talking.  Speaking in the past means I miss the present moment. 

Speaking in the past is like telling a story about it that is somehow far away.  It creates distance and separation from the direct experience. If I speak about my experience in the present tense then it brings the thoughts, feelings, and sensations of that experience right here and now.  Even if I am referencing the past I can still speak of it in a way that honors the feelings and sensations that come along with that story now.  

Good story tellers know that one of the secrets to telling a story really well is being able to invoke deep feelings in the listeners as they are listening.  If I"m not drawn into the story right now as I am listening then it won't be an enjoyable story to me.

Here's an easy example to demonstrate what I mean:

Let's say that I walk into my kitchen and on the counter is a piece of paper and next to the paper is a slice of cheesecake.  On the piece of paper is a detailed description of what cheesecake tastes like.  Which one is going to satisfy my hunger more, reading the story about cheesecake or taking a bite of the real cheesecake? Um, duh, eating the actual cheesecake!

The words on the page are similar to the words in my mind; they are empty and will never satisfy my hunger.  Only the direct experience of eating cheesecake and being totally present to that experience will satisfy my hunger.

Even still, I may take a bite of the actual cheesecake, but if my mind is thinking in the past I also won't enjoy it.  If my mind is in the past I'll miss the experience I'm having right now, "Wow, remember that time I had cheesecake in Vienna?!"  The exact moments I was lost in thoughts of Vienna I was also not here tasting cheesecake.  

You can see now why some people compulsively overeat.  They become so anxious and stressed while they are eating that by the time they've finished their meal they haven't tasted one bite! They eat more because they weren't actually present to the experience of eating; they missed it!

Similarly, future thinking is just the past projected into the future, "Wow, this cheesecake would be way better if we had some whipped cream..."  How do you know to think that whipped cream would potentially enhance your cheesecake?  Because you had that experience sometime in the past!  Past thinking is thoughts about the past, and future thinking is thoughts about the past projected into the future.

Bringing my attention into this moment is a sensual experience because I literally have to reference my senses to speak about the experience I am having.  If I speak in the past tense then I am already at least one step removed from the experience and even the most ecstatic story will be (at best) half as satisfying as the real thing. Speaking in the past tense is disconnecting, unsatisfying, and destroys the possibility of intimacy and satisfaction.  

Ultimately, it's not about the cheesecake, it's about learning to direct my mind into this present moment and speaking from that place so that all the satisfaction that is already here can be taken in and experienced.  When I catch myself speaking in the past, I can pause and ask myself, "What am I experiencing right now?"  I can see what it's like to share what feelings and sensations arise for me as I reference my direct experience.  I can take a bite of cheesecake and describe to my friend what it's like now, and avoid speaking in the past, "Mmm, I notice a soft sensation in my mouth, and my heart is fluttering a bit.  I feel happy and my face is suddenly warmer...".  

Isn't speaking in the present tense sexy?!



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The Power of Being a Nobody

This is dedicated to all the people who want to be free and who suffer from the chronic disease of "I am not enough."
I bless you...
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For many years I have engaged in a relentless pursuit of happiness through the hope of being a Somebody.  What is a Somebody?  A Somebody is the person who I think I am.  My identity.
Being a Somebody means I know who I am, what I stand for, my values, opinions, and beliefs.  It means that when other people refer to me they say things like, "Oh, yes, Sarkis, he's a therapist", or, "I know Sarkis, he's a dancer." "Sarkis, hmm, is he that bearded guy that wears pink pants and is never wearing a shirt...?"

Being a Somebody means that who I am is defined by some aspect of what I do or what I have done in the past.  If I am a lawyer, then that is true because I study or practice law.  If I am a soccer player, that is dependent on the fact that I play soccer.

But is this really who I am?  Is who I am defined by what I do?

No!

Actually, being a Somebody has nothing at all to do with what I do.  Who I think I am, the Somebody that I believe myself to be, is entirely dependent on one thing alone: Belief!

If I believe that I am a soccer player and other people believe that I am a soccer player then that is the Somebody that the world identifies me as.

This pursuit of being a Somebody at first seems innocent, but the second I embark on being a Somebody then it immediately follows that I have to be a better Somebody, an important Somebody, a successful Somebody, and so on.  Once I engage in trying to be a Somebody then that identity becomes heavily burdened by the need to live up to the image of my ideal Somebody.  Trying to live up to my idealized self-image creates an internal struggle because it's impossible to actually live up to that ideal.

Trying to live up to my idealized self-image creates a deep shadow of unworthiness.   With any exertion I make toward an idealized self I will at some point experience the deficient opposite of that identity.  If I'm pushing in my life to be a successful writer then it automatically follows that  I will fear the deficient identity; being a failed writer, an unknown writer, a boring writer...

The crazy thing is, this idealized self is totally made up!  This Somebody is a complete fabrication that is just a collection of recycled thoughts.  There is no identity, really.  Just a thought that "I am a writer" repeating endlesly in my mind.

There's nothing wrong with thinking I'm a Somebody, as long as I don't attach to that thought.  If I attach to that thought I may experience any number of highs and lows in my emotional life, but the end result will very often be the same:  I will suffer.

There's no way around this.  All suffering comes from believing thoughts that aren't true.  If I believe I am a peaceful man then whenever I feel anger I'll have to suffer the loss of my identity.  If I believe I am powerful because I have lots of money, then I have to suffer tremendously when I lose all my money in the stock market crash.  If I believe that who I am is being a mother, then my peace is dependent on the life of my children.  This dependency on identity is the root of suffering...

Spoiler Alert!:  If you examine all the deepest and most painful experiences you've ever had in your entire life, there will be one thing common to all of them; ...YOU!  You are at the center of all your problems.  Take away the identity, the "me", and there is no problem.  I don't mean to say that you are causing your problems or that you are a victim of your problems.  I mean that attaching in any way to an identity (which are just thoughts) is what creates the sense of suffering.  No you, no suffering.

There is power in being a Nobody because then there is nothing to lose.  I can still play soccer, practice law, and drink my green tea latte every day and enjoy every ecstatic moment of it.  But once I attach to the belief that I am a soccer player, I am a lawyer, I am that guy who drinks green tea latte's every day, then I set myself up for a big fall.  The more entrenched I am in my attachment the deeper the suffering I will experience.  The less attached I am to being a Somebody the more freedom I will experience.

How do I avoid the suffering of being a Somebody?  Well, first, see what it's like to be a Nobody for a day.  See what it's like to suspend the impulse to take ownership of your thoughts and feelings and instead be present to what experiences are arising in you now, without attaching to them.

Instead of saying, "I am sad" (which is a statement that turns the feeling of sadness into an identity of sadness), try saying to yourself, "I notice sadness arising...".  The first way turns sadness into a heavy entity which then has to be in opposition to whatever else wants to arise in awareness in that moment.  It's like tying the boat of attention to a dock of sadness and staying fixated there.  Can you feel how limiting that is, and how that limitation immediately brings with it a sense of suffering?

The second way puts the focus of attention on the one who is observing sadness as an experience that is temporarily arising in consciousness.  It's like sitting by a river, profoundly awake to every moment, and noticing sadness as it gently (or sometimes very roughly) passes by.  Can you feel that when I identify with the Observing aspect of consciousness there comes with that an inherent sense of freedom and peace?

Sense it now... Pause and sense how when experiences are allowed to come and go, without identifying with them, there is a profound spaciousness that has built into it satisfaction and peace.

This is the power of being a Nobody.  Being a Nobody means that I do not attach to any of my thoughts, feelings, sensations, impulses, ideas, theories, concepts, attitudes, or beliefs... I take no position and am therefore never in opposition... Therein lies the freedom and peace I've been searching for my entire life.

Once life shifts away from the confinement of being a specific Somebody, then I am absolutely free to be anybody!  I am free to experience anything at any time.  I allow anything and everything to arise within me.  And, what is the catchy word that people use to describe the anything and everything of life?  .................. God.

Oops.

Wait, did he just say that the power of being a Nobody means that I am God?

Yup.



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