Part 1: The Myth of Spirituality
Have you ever had a spiritual experience? Have you ever heard someone talking about their spiritual teacher or their spiritual beliefs? Maybe you have a friend who, according to you and/or them, is very spiritual or living a spiritual life?
Have you also ever wondered, "What does that actually mean?"
I want to confront something that I think holds status as potentially one of the biggest mass delusions operating on this planet. I want to challenge a basic assumption that is built into the entire fabric of our daily existence:
There is no such thing as Spirituality.
Haven't you noticed?! Isn't it curious that when someone uses the word "spirituality," 95% of the time you have to wait at least a few sentences to discover or clarify what they're actually talking about? Isn't it shocking that even two people in the same faith, of the same religion, at the same time and in the same place still do not agree on what experience the word spirituality is actually pointing to?
But that's the current reality of it. Outside of vague concepts and intellectual beliefs, most people seem unable to communicate what their experience of spirituality actually is.
I understand that we need words to talk, and that talking through the use of words is one way that we communicate meaning to each other. I also get that the word spirituality is useful as a pointer to many topics such as the human Spirit, religious beliefs or values, personal growth efforts, sacred or supernatural phenomena, or the search for meaning itself. But, after thousands of years of searching for that meaning, the word spirituality is still elusive in delivering something worth biting into...
With risk of being burned at the stake by all the religious fundamentalists, I'd like to propose that the word "spiritual" is itself a bypassing of a more fundamental issue in the way we operate with each other: I tend to use that word when I don't know what (the bleep) I'm talking about.
Spirituality is basically a synonym for "I don't know." It is everything that is outside of my personal realm of understanding. It generally refers to experiences that cannot be consistently verified or repeated within the realm of my 5 senses.
If an experience stretches beyond my personal experience, that is to say, beyond my personal belief system, my mind goes into panic and tries to orient itself toward the known. My mind scrambles for safety by giving it the biggest and most robust label it can find so as to avoid confronting the vast expanse of the unknown, which the ego experiences as the annihilation of it's own existence.
I believe this movement toward using the word spiritual is an escape into the safety of the known, and simultaneously a commitment to imprisonment in the largest conceptual jail cell I've ever be in. If I experience something but I can't immediately see, touch, taste, hear, or smell it, and it doesn't fit into my pristinely decorated sense of self, it either doesn't exist or it has to be scapegoated to the nebulous zone of spirituality.
Instead of hanging out in that unknown, in that limitless space of potentiality, I retreat into the comfort of my own bedazzled cage, and then wonder why I am living this "spiritual" life yet still longing for freedom, peace, and basic connection.
I'm not ever going to feel free if I'm in a cage, even if that cage is painted with murals of God.
Part 2: Direct Experience
I invite you to make this inquiry; the next time you or someone else wants to use the word "spiritual" (or God, Love, Energy), first ask yourself, "What am I actually experiencing in this moment?" Pause and notice, “Are there any sensations in my body? Is there a dominant emotion connected to this experience? Is my mind struggling to find meaning within predetermined beliefs or concepts?” If you cannot connect to exactly what you are experiencing here and now, see if you can find the courage to let go... Just let go and be with the experience.
I think it's important to acknowledge that there is something profound and universal, that most people experience, which the mind struggles and ultimately fails to comprehend. Words like God, Spirituality, and Energy are all pointers toward that experience, but the moment that it's labeled it becomes a limited approximation of the real thing. This dilemma is much more an example of the limitation of words than it is a limitation in our ability to experience what the words are pointing to.
If I suspend the need to define, label, or in any way understand what's arising in my experience, eventually the meaning of that experience is confirmed within the direct experience itself. I believe that spirituality is ultimately a search for meaning. And, I notice that the meaning of an experience is inherent within that experience before I label it ("spiritual", or otherwise). The obvious question then becomes, "Is that label necessary for me to know the truth of what that label is pointing to?" I implore you to check this out for yourself.
A friend came to me recently and was complaining about a painful experience she had with her friend. My friend concludes her remarks with something like, "Trust me, he's a slime bag!"
I love my friend, I want to support her. Unconsciously I also want her to love, appreciate, and approve of me... As I was sitting there with her I watched my mind spin in the unknown, "What if it's true that he's a slime bag? Maybe she is in danger. Maybe I should do something about this...!"
But then I noticed that, if I'm honest, I really don't know what this man is like. I've never actually met the man! I noticed my mind wanting to align with her story in order to satisfy my ego's need to feel safe and secure in my friendship with her. Instead of defaulting to believing her, I let go of any judgment of him and returned to what I did know; that my friend is in pain and I care about her deeply. That's the only thing I know for sure.
Without the confirmation of my direct experience I am just another believer. I have to lean into some kind of blind faith or trust that my friend is being honest with me, or follow the vague shadow of past knowns and future possibilities to know what's true. Some days I might falter and seek to fill the gaping void of the unknown with judgments or well educated presuppositions, "Yeah, what an ass; he shouldn't talk to you that way!" On a good day I might try to leap over the unknown with a healthy dose of faith, "Oh, sweetheart, it's all going to work out in the end..."
But, on the best of days, and at the final calling..., faith always yields to direct experience. I won't know what that man is actually like until I experience him for myself. Similarly, if I want to be honest about my life and how I communicate it to myself and others, I need to practice sharing things that are confirmed by my direct experience.
I don't want to be a believer. I don't want to follow in anyone else's footsteps. I don't want to believe anything anyone ever tells me, no matter how spiritual or God-like it sounds. I need to prove it for myself, otherwise I am just a slave in the machine of mass suffering, oppression, and victimhood.
If I don't taste it for myself I will still be hanging by the precarious threads of belief. It's ok to believe as long as I'm ok with being in a position of impotence and dependability. But I don't like being in that position. I don't like being a victim. I'd rather know it for myself, then I am empowered and secure with direct knowledge. Anyone can challenge my beliefs, but no one can challenge my direct experience.
It seems to me that every atrocity that has ever transpired on this planet happened under a blood-stained banner of beliefs. I want to put that banner down. I want to have the courage to not know what this experience means or where any of it is going. I want to take responsibility for all of my labels, especially the glittery spiritual, religious, or new age ones, and stand in the fire of my own Truth.
I want abandon belief and stand in the only confirmation I will ever get; My direct experience.
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