Speaking In The Present

I was speaking with a friend recently about her life and she was telling me about all the things that have transpired in the last week.  She seemed sad and generally dissatisfied with her life.  At one point she got excited and started talking about a new relationship that was possibly forming.  She got about 2 sentences in to the description when again her energy started to plummet back into despair.

It was at that point that I noticed a pattern in her way of speaking that seemed to be contributing to her sense of discontent. I noticed that every time she spoke she was talking in the past tense.  This made sense for certain parts of her story to be recounted to me, but it was also systemically problematic because there was never a time in her sharing when her mind could rest in this moment.

What is so important about this present moment in relation to our daily satisfaction?  

Simply put, the present moment is the only moment in which anything ever takes place, and therefore the only moment in which satisfaction can be experienced.  

If I'm talking about a painful experience then the habit of speaking in the past tense holds some benefit to me since I will effectively avoid feeling the pain of that experience now.  Similarly, if I want to refer to a pleasurable or beautiful experience and I am speaking about it in the past tense then I will also be exempt from experiencing that pleasure and beauty as I'm talking.  Speaking in the past means I miss the present moment. 

Speaking in the past is like telling a story about it that is somehow far away.  It creates distance and separation from the direct experience. If I speak about my experience in the present tense then it brings the thoughts, feelings, and sensations of that experience right here and now.  Even if I am referencing the past I can still speak of it in a way that honors the feelings and sensations that come along with that story now.  

Good story tellers know that one of the secrets to telling a story really well is being able to invoke deep feelings in the listeners as they are listening.  If I"m not drawn into the story right now as I am listening then it won't be an enjoyable story to me.

Here's an easy example to demonstrate what I mean:

Let's say that I walk into my kitchen and on the counter is a piece of paper and next to the paper is a slice of cheesecake.  On the piece of paper is a detailed description of what cheesecake tastes like.  Which one is going to satisfy my hunger more, reading the story about cheesecake or taking a bite of the real cheesecake? Um, duh, eating the actual cheesecake!

The words on the page are similar to the words in my mind; they are empty and will never satisfy my hunger.  Only the direct experience of eating cheesecake and being totally present to that experience will satisfy my hunger.

Even still, I may take a bite of the actual cheesecake, but if my mind is thinking in the past I also won't enjoy it.  If my mind is in the past I'll miss the experience I'm having right now, "Wow, remember that time I had cheesecake in Vienna?!"  The exact moments I was lost in thoughts of Vienna I was also not here tasting cheesecake.  

You can see now why some people compulsively overeat.  They become so anxious and stressed while they are eating that by the time they've finished their meal they haven't tasted one bite! They eat more because they weren't actually present to the experience of eating; they missed it!

Similarly, future thinking is just the past projected into the future, "Wow, this cheesecake would be way better if we had some whipped cream..."  How do you know to think that whipped cream would potentially enhance your cheesecake?  Because you had that experience sometime in the past!  Past thinking is thoughts about the past, and future thinking is thoughts about the past projected into the future.

Bringing my attention into this moment is a sensual experience because I literally have to reference my senses to speak about the experience I am having.  If I speak in the past tense then I am already at least one step removed from the experience and even the most ecstatic story will be (at best) half as satisfying as the real thing. Speaking in the past tense is disconnecting, unsatisfying, and destroys the possibility of intimacy and satisfaction.  

Ultimately, it's not about the cheesecake, it's about learning to direct my mind into this present moment and speaking from that place so that all the satisfaction that is already here can be taken in and experienced.  When I catch myself speaking in the past, I can pause and ask myself, "What am I experiencing right now?"  I can see what it's like to share what feelings and sensations arise for me as I reference my direct experience.  I can take a bite of cheesecake and describe to my friend what it's like now, and avoid speaking in the past, "Mmm, I notice a soft sensation in my mouth, and my heart is fluttering a bit.  I feel happy and my face is suddenly warmer...".  

Isn't speaking in the present tense sexy?!



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